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I believe in mystery.
I believe in family.
I believe in being who I am.
I believe in the power of failure.
And I believe normal life is extraordinary.
This I Believe.
For our series This I Believe today we hear from Paul Thorn who lives in the town where he grew up to below Mississippi. Thorn is a former professional boxer turned musician. Now he writes songs and performs Southern Roots rock with his band around the country. Here's our series curator, independent producer Jay Alison.
For many who write for our series, their essays represent the first time they have publicly expressed their inner most convictions. Paul Thorn said that speaking about his belief will be like coming out of the closet. He said he is proud of doing it, but he is afraid he may lose some friends. Here is Paul Thorn with his essay for This I Believe.
I don’t want to be a god-fearing man, I believe in religion without fear. I grew up in a // faith in northeast Mississippi, called the church-guard province where my father was a pastor. At the age of 12, I was sent to a summer bubble camp, where fear was the motivation for belief. One night the counselors stay, the Russian take over the camp, simulating the assassination of our camp director, we all shocked /real shot gone bless, scared us all to our knees, where we prayed God for salvation. At the age of 17, I was disfellowshiped from my church for having pre-married sex with my girlfriend. Since my father was the pastor, a meeting was arranged between me, my dad, and my Sunday school teacher. I was given two options, stand and confess my sins in front of the congregation, and be forgiven, or continue my evil way and no longer being in the club. I chose to be disfellowshiped, and became officially unaffiliated with the church.
I moved out the parsonage, got a job in a furniture of factory, and about use mobile home for 6,000 $. People from the church will come by my trailer from time to time, to tell me they were still praying for me, and that they hoped I will come back to Jesus before I waned up in hell, I just stared at the ground, the way you would with school yard bully, and hoped they go away. As the years passed by, opportunity took me all over to United States, and to other countries as well, I saw churches everywhere I went, and I noticed something I’d never seen before. I met people who didn’t pray to Jesus, you have to understand where I come from, the people who try to teach me about God by using fear also kept me from learning about other paths they got, any variation were described as a chick of devil. But I saw good, sincere Muslims, Buddhist and Jews, all walking in the light as they knew it. I started to believe that no one is capable of knowing God’s specific identity. So I decided to see him down my own path, because I believe that’s what he wants me to do. I talked to him daily, he never says anything back, but I know he is listening. I thank him for my family and friends, and I thank him for the good laugh I have. I still have problems like anyone else, but over all there is piece in my heart. The people who were trying to get me to God used fear and intimidation like a hammer, beat into submission, any one who dare to question their brand of absolute truth. The higher power now I pray to gives me love, joy and comfort. And I am not afraid of him, I had to break a way from the God I supposed to believe in, to find the God I could believe in.
Paul Thorn with his essay for This I Believe. Thorn thought that this song of his sung with his twin sisters would fit well with his essay.
Music…
We hope you will consider writing about your personal philosophy for our series at npr.org, you can find out more, and browse the 50,000 essays submitted so far. For This I Believe, I am Jay Alison.
Music…
Jay Alison is coeditor with dan, John and / of the book This I Believe, the personal philosophy of remarkable men and women.
Music: when you find somebody, to walk with you through life, you will laugh together. But sometimes, you will cry.
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Music: just hold each other’s hand, the sun will shine forever, wonder…
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